Monday, June 24, 2013

The Suicidal Teenager Lives

Life's a bitch. There is no other way to put that. Thankful for God is only temporary. In this life, on Earth, Satan and his deamonds can effect us unlike heaven where you're untouchable. For right now I have to grit and bare all this pain. I have a lot to be upset about. I mean my own father betrayed me in the worst way possible. From that I had mental and physical scars that will never quite go away. As the memories flood my support here on earth dwindles. 
This month has been pure hell. I have lost a lot of friends. Because I was abused I feel abnormal and like a freak. I feel so ugly on the inside and I feel as if everyone around me can see that; therefor, no one wants anything to do with me. The days are full of pain and loneliness. I had one of the worst flashback and 2 days later I find out my best friend is moving. I felt as if my life was officially falling apart. Every time I get up I get pushed back down. I saw no point on continuing to keep pushing. 
The Lord changed my thinking. I'm so strong. Instead of thinking back to all my panic attacks, the hospital, and my past and being discouraged it's encouraged me. Instead of thinking my life is constant pain I can see how strong I am. I made it through all of that because of God! He is king of the universe and with him by my side I can anything.
My father took my childhood, innocence, and so much more from me. He will not get another second from me. This is my life. Whatever comes my way I will see as Gods plan and make the best out of it. 
It does suck that when I need my friend the most she moves but I'm so proud of her. She is fearless. She's moving, at 16, to New York City to follow her calling. She's my inspiration and I couldn't be more proud. I know she'll pave the road for me like so always has and show me the way. 
Highschool does suck but I will just make the best out of it. Instead of waiting for someone to be friends with me I will go out and be the first to text them or ask them to hangout. I have spent too many years crying and being abused. This is my time to get healthy and allow god to shine through me. There will be more pain and tears but it means I'm getting better. 
It's okay to get angry with god. We won't understand all that He does but we have to have faith. Having faith is what ha kept me alive and I will never lose it. He created me to love me and so I could love him. He is ruler of all and ultimately had a plan for good for me. I will never ever give up. I'm taking back the power. 

2 comments:

  1. I have spent the past few hours reading most of your blogs. We went to elementary school together and all I can remember about you is how much I really wanted to be your friend. You were such a light, and you looked like you would be the best friend ever. Unfortunately, I was too shy to ever come and try to play with you on the playground. I admire you sharing your story on this blog and have no doubt in my mind you will be a truly successful writer. I am making this promise now that I will purchase your book and send your message to other girls. You are an inspiration and God is really glowing thru you. You have a wonderful gift Kaitlin.

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  2. Gods timing and the way he works always amazes me. I was having a behind rough night with another extreme attack. I felt like no one loves me then I stumble across your comment. I can't explain how much this means to me. Thank you for your kind words they have made such an impact! I don't know who you are and I wish I did but I truly love you! God bless you!

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