Thursday, May 9, 2013

Trying To Be Confident In Highschool

It makes me so angry and sad to see people judging everyone that walks by. I feel like the nature of a teenager is to be insecure. Well if you live with a dysfunctional family, dark past, or mental illness the insecurity you feel will sky rocket. In 8th grade I was the most insecure girl ever. I would do anything to fit in. I wanted to go to all the football games, talk to the right people, say the rights things, and my looks were the most important thing to me. Then I found God and I realized I was loved for just being myself. For being Kaitlin who cries, who has the weirdest laugh, who dresses differently, who loves everyone and wants to tell the whole worth how she loves them, and who talks in weird, random voices. That's me and I hated myself for being that way. I hated how affectionate I was to anyone. If I could hug everyone I see... no doubt I was. I hated my cackling laugh. I hated my boxy body, but now all of the things I hated are now things I love about myself.

I would be lying to say I don't get insecure sometimes because I do! At times I get scared and clingy, or at times I will catch myself trying to fit in. I found myself walking into a new group of people and going back to my old ways. I gossiped and did whatever I could to fit in. I was and I am so mad at myself. I realized today I don't need to fit in. We were all made differently, specially, and uniquely so why are we all trying to fit this unrealistic mold the society has created. Honestly, I am 5'2, 125 lbs, I love kittens, I am super emotional, I love hugs and kisses, I am not afraid to be honest and upfront with you, and I love to make a fool of myself. I am slowly learning to let go and be me.

I am thankful for my problems because it's opened my eyes and helped me realize the world is so much bigger then high school. None of the 'he said, she said' matters in a couple of years. If you were popular in high school and got a ton of likes on your pictures, great. Wanna a cookie? In college it won't matter. So stop worrying about how he doesn't like you. Screw him God has a better guy picked out for you. Don't worry about not being able to slow dance at prom because you will be able to slow dance at your wedding with your prince charming. I am not saying this is an easy task but high school is great and freeing when you don't care! God loves you for you! He gave you special qualities for a reason. Embrace your differences and stand proud. I am working on not caring what people say about mw and not beating myself up for being me. Yeah I can be crazy at times but that's okay. I am human.

Never judge someone because you have no idea what they are going through. I know many people don't realize how much I go through on a daily basis with everything. Don't be that person whose comment just pushes someone over the edge. We are all God's children, let's love each other. In the end we will be old, wrinkly, and grey which is awesome because that means youve lived a long life. What do you want people to remember you by? When you are laying on your death bed the amount of instagram likes won't matter. What will matter is your loving friends and family around you and your relationship with God.

1 comment:

  1. It goes back to the old saying, "don't have anything nice to say? Then say nothing at all." It's not how you'll be remembered, it's how you'll look to God and whether or not you followed His commands. It's ok to judge, if you are in the position to lay judgement down, it's not ok to hurt i.e. gossip, lie. And none of it is easy to do girlfriend!

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