Monday, May 6, 2013

Living Without a Father

A narcissist is a specialist at manipulating. I believed for 13 years my father was super dad. One day God woke me up from my naive little world. Slowly but surly I have found out the truth about my father. My heart broke. It's still broken. A person who hates me and has abused me is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to bed. My own father... could care less. I am still remembering terrible things he did to me. I shake out of fear of my father. The times he made me cuddle with him or he would stand over me a scream. He leave me all alone or call me a bitch. That is in my mind 24/7.

Honestly, I grew up without a father rather an abuser. Now it's just my mom and I. I have never really had a strong male figure in my life who loved and cared about me. There was this void so I ran to boys. My heart broke even more to the point where I just wanted to give up. My relationship with God isn't perfect. I have ups and downs but He has never left me. He has and never will hurt me. I ran to the park and sat down and just talked to God. I am so blessed and should look at what I have rather then what I don't have. I never realized how far I have come. Back in December I would have severe panic attacks every day. The last panic attack I have had was two weeks ago. God has pulled me through.

In the current moment Im in so much pain.  Do you know the feeling to have the person you love with all of your heart not even care about you? It's one of the worst feelings. Right now I am at such a low point and I am so hurt. It's painful to get out of bed. I feel like bursting out into tears but I am so numb I can't. I am not giving up though. I am praying for a miracle.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Hi everyone, it's my first pay a visit at this web site, and paragraph is actually fruitful for me, keep up posting these content.

    Also visit my weblog; natural muscle builder

  3. Hey would you mind letting me know which webhost you're working with? I've loaded your blog in 3 different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a
    lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good internet hosting provider at a
    reasonable price? Thanks, I appreciate it!

    my web-site:

  4. My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I
    should check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to finding out about your web
    page repeatedly.

    Check out my page ... eazol Review

  5. I waѕ сuriоuѕ іf you eνеr
    сοnsidеrеd сhаngіng the structurе оf youг site?
    Its verу well wrіtten; I love whаt yоuve got
    to say. Βut mауbe you сoulԁ a little moгe in the ωay of content so
    ρeople coulԁ connect wіth it bеtter.
    Youve got an awful lоt of text for only having οnе or
    2 piсtures. Maybe yоu could ѕpace it out better?

    Hаvе a looκ аt my blog post

  6. We're a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site provided us with valuable info to work on. You have performed an impressive activity and our whole community might be thankful to you.

    Review my homepage - vitamins

    1. This means so much and to see God work through brings tears to me and warms my heart. Godbless!

  7. You could certainly see your expertise in the article you write.
    The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

    Visit my homepage -

    1. Thank you! I have the biggest smile on my face. This is all God working through me!

  8. I'll right away grab your rss feed as I can not in finding your e-mail subscription link or e-newsletter service. Do you've any?

    Kindly let me understand in order that I may subscribe.

    Also visit my weblog: provillus

  9. Please let me know if you're looking for a article author for your weblog. You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd love to write some content for
    your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please send me an email if interested. Thank you!

    Here is my blog - buy african mango plus

  10. Hi there everyone, it's my first pay a visit at this web site, and article is in fact fruitful in support of me, keep up posting such content.

    Here is my web page provacyl

  11. It's perfect time to make some plans for the future and it's time to be happy.
    I have read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things
    or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles
    referring to this article. I wish to read even more things about it!

    Look into my web site ...

  12. Simply want to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your post is just nice and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep
    up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks
    a million and please continue the rewarding work.

    Also visit my page venapro

  13. Hi just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures
    aren't loading properly. I'm not sure why but I think its a
    linking issue. I've tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

    Here is my page: zetaclear nail fungus treatment reviews

  14. Hey there, You have done a great job. I will certainly digg it and personally suggest to my friends.
    I am sure they will be benefited from this web site.

    my webpage ... slimming formula reviews

    1. Thank you! Please share it to as many people as you can and help spread gods hope

  15. Hi there, I enjoy reading through your post. I wanted to write a little comment to
    support you.

    my site: buy zetaclear

    1. Thank your for the support, it's much needed

  16. Amazing things here. I'm very glad to look your article. Thanks a lot and I'm looking forward to contact you.
    Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

    My webpage - buy genf20 plus

  17. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article
    and also the rest of the website is also very good.

    my blog post male sexual health - -

  18. Eliza Buble Ticket Crazy Really like Tour

    Here is my blog :: casino euro

  19. Waterproof Ipod itouch Speakers Audio

    Feel free to surf to my website - free video to mp3 converter


Share your thoughts here....