Monday, May 6, 2013

I Just Wanted You to Care

This little girl grew up with a father who treated her like she was nothing. She went throughout her day knowing she wasn't loved by the man she looked up to. I get made fun of for being clingy to my ex. How can you blame me? I needed love. I have been treated like dirt and abused. I was never daddy's little girl but rather someone daddy can take all his anger out on. To feel unloved by your family and feel invisible is awful. All you want is someone to hug you and say I love you. I felt like if that one person said it then everything would be fine. Well it's not fine as I was on my bed shaking, crying, and just wanting a man that I never had hold me and tell me they love me. It's the worst to give your heart to someone and it gets broken. It's the worst to be surrounded by people that love you but that matters is that person who doesn't love you. It's the worst to be the crazy ex who no one wants to be around. All I want is love. I know God is there, right now I am just lost. I feel alone and useless. Another night of being rejected. Another night of crying myself to sleep. I can't wait until I am older and moved on from all of this. A time when I realize God's love is enough. I can be independent and happy. I have faith it will happen right now I am just going through a down. I am embarrassed to pray because I know's Gods love yet I am still chasing all the wrong things. The only prayer I can say is, "God don't let me go." Having most the men in your life not care about you is so painful. I am in still there. Iwill tell you how it goes when I make it to the other side.

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