Thursday, February 28, 2013

H.O.P.E(hold on pain ends)

The past two days have been hell. I have been crying on and off for 48 hours and contemplating suicide every second. To anyone with depression or just a hard life in general I understand the feeling of hopelessness. You sit there with the bottle of pills in your hand and you replay everything. No one can help you. The doctors don't know what's wrong, your family resents you for having this disease, relationships fall apart, and everyone is telling you to just suck it up. Everyone is mad because they feel like you're being dramatic or like you aren't trying hard enough; although, every single fiber in your body is telling you to end it. The pain is too strong and you begin to cry because you don't have the guts to do it. You think about your parents' face when they find your cold body. Then your mind flashes to your best friend. When she gets the phone call her/his heart immediately breaks.

I had this exact moment happen tonight. I was ready to go then I heard God say, "Those won't kill you. I am not going to let you die. I know your pain right now and I am crying with you but life is so beautiful. Think of all the laughter you've shared with your closest friends or a hug from your mom that makes everything better. I am so much bigger then this and my power is stronger then tho suicidal thought. I love you beautiful, keep pushing."

I started bawling. He is working through me and who am I to end his work. This is what I did and it saved my life. When you feel that overwhelming feeling throw your hands up and cry out to God. Say, "I can't do this on my own. No one can help me and I can't even help myself.... I need you! Save me, I am giving this ALL up to you." I said those exact words and no lie I felt immediate peace and I literally felt God warm my heart and I had comfort run through me body. You are stronger then this, He is much stronger then this. Together, you two are unstoppable. Don't ever give up. Life is so beautiful and is full of endless possibilities.

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